David Takes On The World

David Takes On: The Holiday Season (again)

2008-12-24T09:49:00.000-08:00

So here I sit. Another Christmas Eve. There really is something magical about this time of year. From the bells of the Salvation Army volunteers, to the jolly (albeit somewhat forced) laughter of mall Santas, to indeed the lights on the houses of the neighborhood, there's something to be said for this holiday. It's always been one of my favorites, even after becoming an atheist. Why? Because as far as I can tell, Jesus is not the reason for the season. This holiday was being celebrated well before the birth of Christ, and was not until well after his death that the Roman emperors could be persuaded to make his birthday an official holiday. Even then they had to tack it onto a pagan holiday, one people were already celebrating anyway. You may know it as The Winter Solstice.

Ridiculous religious ceremony aside, I still love this time of year. I could do without sanctimonious Christians trying to cram THE LORD into every little aspect of the season, but I guess I'll live. I love Christmas almost as much as Thanksgiving, as a matter of fact, because it reminds me that things are not all that bad, and there's much to be thankful for. It's a time to spend with one's family, enjoying company, catching up. It's a time to eat yourself stupid on Christmas ham or goose or turducken, or whatever it is that your family makes. It's a time to celebrate not the birth of Jesus, but instead the re-birth of our commitments to our family, friends, and loved ones.

Well, that's how I feel from where I sit. Far be it from me to tell you how to celebrate this day. I'll still sing the odd religious carol, I'll jingle my bells, I may even be cajoled into seeing a nativity play. But that's ok with me, because I'm secure in my ideals. I celebrate Christmas how I want, and you by all means will celebrate it however you want. I seem to remember making a point last year of people who couldn't stand to see the word "Christmas" anywhere. Those people are missing the point. Most Christians couldn't care less if a group of people don't believe in god. Of course, then you've got the fascist ultra-right who believes that anyone who so much as entertains the shadow of a doubt should be burnt at the stake as heretics. I would advise that you yourself, dear reader, be a little more moderate and understanding of people's beliefs.

A quick note to my Jewish friends: as an atheist, understand that I don't begrudge you anything either. Your way is an ancient one, but still not one with which I agree. But that also doesn't mean that I don't wish you anything but the best this Hannukah. Light your candles. Spin your dreidels. Eat matzoh and latke. I'd even come participate if you'd want.

I am reminded of a quote by Voltaire: "Sir, I may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."

We should all be free to do and worship as we please, if that is our wont. Conversely, we should also be able to profess a disbelief and not be persecuted for it. Not that many atheists are, mind you, but we're still the most distrusted minority group in the US. That, I think, says something for religion. Especially for the religions that espouse harmony and brotherly love (I'm looking at you, Christianity).

Anyway, tangents aside, enjoy your holiday. I will certainly enjoy mine.

Consider yourself taken on (again!), Christmas.

David Takes On: His Brother

2008-12-14T23:23:00.000-08:00

So you're probably wondering to yourself: "Where the hell have you been all these months?"

I submit to you, Gentle Reader, that I have been furthering my education.

So I'm sorry. Sue me.

I only took one class this semester. Friday nights and Saturdays for the last 4 months I have been training to become an EMT. An EMT-Basic, no less. I've decided to make good on my promise to myself to help people. In whatever way possible, I've wanted to make lives of my fellow citizens better.

But why EMS? Why not social work, or volunteering at an old folks home, or serving soup at a shelter?

Good question. I actually didn't ask myself that until just now, which I guess makes my answer all the more candid. I guess my brother had a lot to do with it. My older brother was an EMT when he was in college. When he told me he was doing it, I was proud. But I was so jealous. Why did he get all the good genes, I thought, when I got all the crap ones?

Of course, this was a long time ago, and I had a very skewed logic. He was better at a lot of things than I was. He still is. But I've found my own place in the world, or am finding it. Turns out you don't need all the good genes to be an EMT. :)

All that aside, throughout the years, regardless of the spats or misgivings about each other we've had, I have loved and admired my brother through it all. I've always wanted to be half the man he was. So when he told me that he was an EMT, it just kinda became lodged in my head. He was selfless. He was brave. He was putting his knowledge to good use. That's how it all looked to me. So when I came to a point in my life where I had to make a decision about what I wanted to do with life, his decision to be an EMT eventually guided my own.

My brother really is awesome. He's creative, rational, and most of all, smart. He has influenced a lot of my life. He's made me a lot of who I am today, and I would not have been half that without him. I've still got a lot to learn, and I'm glad every day that he has been able to teach me as much as he has, whether he knows it or not.

So consider yourself taken on, bro. I love you, man.

David Takes On: His New Hero(ine)

2008-06-06T17:38:00.000-07:00

Check this story out:

It's a little dated, but it's a stark reminder of how small and petty some people can be. How can a religion claim to espouse unconditional love and tolerance, just to belittle and intimidate a teenage girl for what she doesn't believe?

It's stupid, and so is religion.

David Takes On: The Best Show On Television Today

2008-06-05T19:36:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen:
I give you Metalocalypse.

I could spout on and on about how much I love this show. It's grotesque. It's hilarious. It's an amalgamation of everything metal. Pick up the DVDs, or download an episode or two on iTunes. You will not be disappointed.

David Takes On: Death

2008-06-02T18:27:00.000-07:00

Death.

It's going to happen to you. Whether you like it or not, you, and everyone you've ever known and loved, is going to die.

It's not so much that we die, but how we die I think is what scares us the most.

The reason I mention this is because my grandmother is dying. I am watching her waste away before my eyes. She has cancer. It started in her breast, moved to her bones, and finally metastasized and spread to her lungs, liver, and kidneys. Her liver is shutting down. She's jaundiced. She is a pale shadow of her former exuberant self. It's made me think a lot about why we die, and when, and how.

I don't think it hurts to die, per se. It hurts a lot more to live. Grandma is comfortable, at least. She's on medication for any pain she has. And of these days very soon, she is going to fall asleep, and she won't wake up.

I've often wondered what happens we die. Anyone who ascribes to any major religion believes in an afterlife. Christians, Jews, and Muslims all have a heaven to go to, whether it's inhabited by the savior, your ancestors, or 72 Virginians (I still think Robin Williams had it right when he said that's what await martyrs in heaven... at least, that's what I like to think). But I think it's a lot more simple than that. Try to think back to before you were born. Back beyond your earliest memory. There's nothing there, is there? There's nothing to remember. And that's what I think death is like. It is literally nothing. It's not an infinite blackness, it's no paradise, there's no purgatory or limbo or hell or zombies to worry about. To fear death is to fear nothing. Because death is nothing.

So I'd like to reiterate this from an earlier post: be good to one another, because life is far too precious not to.

Consider yourself taken on, Death.

David Takes On: More Music!

2008-05-16T19:54:00.000-07:00

You know already that I like a lot of things. I made a post a few weeks ago about music, and about how much I like that.

I have neglected to tell you, however, what kind of music I like, so I will render my preferences without further wordy ado.

Okay, maybe a little more ado. In addition to the sandwiches thing, I'm also going to try to keep you all updated on what I'm listening to lately. That said, let's begin:

Arch Enemy (Rise Of The Tyrant)Fuck yeah.

From the first track to the last, it's an ear-splitting, soul-crushing metal assault. Angela Gossow, lead singer and hot chick extraordinaire, doesn't let up with her guttural vocals. Forget Flyleaf. That chick has nothing on Ms. Gossow. Among the tracks that stand out for me are "Rise of The Tyrant", the first track, which I don't think has ever started off a metal album better in my opinion. Arch Enemy toss you to the metal wolves right from the start. Other ass-whomping tracks include "The Last Enemy", which is so high-adrenalin I wanna throw myself out of an airplane or fight an alligator. Also of note is the single, "Revolution Begins", which does not disappoint in its ability to get your blood boiling. That's what I've always loved about good metal. There's just a way it gets inside you and pumps you up. This album is one of my new Island Albums, as in, I'm not getting stranded on a desert island without it.

Ted Nugent - Great White Buffalo (Double Live Gonzo!)

File photo.

I gotta say, this song is another one of those that just get your mojo working. Yes, Ted Nugent is a Republican, yes, he's kind of a geezer now, and yes, goddamn it, yes, for the last time, he was in Damn Yankees. Also, I hear he's crazy. But in a fun "holy shit what's he gonna do next" type of way. At any rate, this song is awesome. It has the hookiest riff I think I've ever heard. It's so memorable and upbeat that it never fails to put a smile on my face. Plus, it's about buffalo. A Great White Buffalo, to be exact. A Great White Buffalo that whomps ass and takes names. Yes, yes, double yes. I believe I have met my "yeses in a blog post" quota for the day, yes?

Cake (Discography)No, wait...

Look, it's not the picture that's important. This band fucking rocks. There's really no Cake song I don't like. It's quirky, eclectic, and sometimes it scares the shit out of me, but all in all, it's just good music. I like to play a little game when listening to Cake: every time the singer says "Alllll right", "awwww no", or "awwwww yeah", take a shot. I guarantee you will be dead before you finish the whole album. But that's just flavor, and it's just plain fun to listen to. Check them out on Pandora.com, which is a great site (if you haven't heard of it, you must be living under the roots of the majestic Banyan tree somewhere) for getting into new music. It's like internet radio that doesn't suck. In conclusion, Cake is better than your grandma, and I don't care how many cookies she bakes, and what their quality is like. Cake is softer, chewier, chocolaty-er, and has more macadamia nuts than your old bag of a Nanna. So there.

And there it is. More to come, I am sure, so keep it dialed right here for all your "What the hell is David up to" nonsense.

Consider yourself taken on, music I listen to.

David Takes On: The Best Post Ever

2008-05-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

My god, how could I have been so stupid?

How could I have let this slide through the cracks?

Listen, people: you know what I love, more than atheism, America, and RickRolling?

Sandwiches.

Let's begin! For starters, I just had an Amazing Brainstorm™, and probably ate the most delicious sandwich I've ever put in my mouth.

The Chicken Fajita Sandwich (more or less):

Two slices of bread (your choice, really. I used 7-Grain Whole Wheat and was pleasantly surprised, though I think Sourdough might have been a good decision too)
Roughly 3 oz. pre-cooked fajita chicken meat (I used Tyson)
A healthy handful of shredded cheese (I used Cheddar, as I had nothing milder, still came out good)
1/8 onion, diced (but not too small. Keep those chunks in there)
2 oz. canned green chile

So I put everything into a bowl, first off, and hucked it into a pan at medium/low heat. This was a bit of a mistake, since the cheese started to melt FUCKING IMMEDIATELY and the chicken had barely any time to warm up. So, we can make the reasonable conclusion that we should warm the chicken first, then throw everything else in. After that, stir the concotion about until everything is mixed up in everything else, then remove it from heat. Stir it so the cheese doesn't solidify on you, then put that masterpiece between the slices of bread. Next time, I'm going to toast the bread as I warm the chicken, so everything dovetails a little better.

Makes one totally awesome sandwich.

Seriously, I am a goddamned culinary genius. The sandwich possibilities are limitless. I will totally post more as I get around to making them.

David Takes On: A Brief Update

2008-05-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

Before I go, I wanted to throw this in here, just for giggles:

The Giant Squid
Amen.

David Takes On: The God Delusion and The Conservative Right

2008-05-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

Lacking any pertinent or maniacally hilarious content as of late, I am compelled to enlighten you as to what I'm reading:

The God Delusion, by Richard Dawkins

I've almost finished it, and thus far it's been a very entertaining, educational, and sometimes deeply poignant book. Dawkins makes some very concise arguments for atheism (and against religion). He uses cut-and-dry logic and knife-point wit to make his cases for enlightened freethought. It's a bit of a read at around 450-500 pages, but to be honest, I made no note of the time, as the pages seemed to turn themselves.

I will openly concede and acknowledge Dawkins' overt hostility to religion, which he calls "nonsense". I would also say that this hostility is not unfounded, given its propensity to drive some of the faithful to heinous acts of violence and abuse. At the other end of the spectrum, religion can also bring people to great acts of charity and beneficence. However, Dawkins asserts that religion or God need not be the motive behind such acts, or behind morality at all, an idea which I share.

Whatever your faith (or creed, or belief, or whatever), I would recommend this book to you. There's no guarantee that you'll like it, and definitely no certainty that you will be an atheist by the end. The beauty of being human beings is that we are able to evaluate and assess the world around us and draw conclusions based on our findings. If that conclusion is a profession of belief in a supernatural being, so be it. Just be willing to give your faith a little check-up every now and again. Keep an open mind about all possibilities! There's nothing wrong with choosing to believe (or disbelieve) something if there's evidence to support it (or not).

My score: Two thumbs up.

Now, with that out of the way, I would like to direct your attention to a website I found snooping about today on Something Awful.com:

Conservapedia!

Mother of Pearl. I'm all for free speech, and I can't rightly fault whoever started this site on those grounds, but the entire site smacks of fundamental conservatism, and when there's no conservative angle to be had, there's no intelligent content whatsoever. Observe! The Banana slug.

That's it. (As of 5/14/08, anyway. Maybe they'll have that updated at some point. God Forbid they'd have to consult the dread SCIENCE for help on that one) And if you click on the "mollusk" link in the description, it offers a similarly brief commentary with some more added rhetoric about homosexuality thrown in. Oh boy! Look, wikipedia has a bit of a leftist slant and some questionable sourcing and edits, but conservapedia.com throws neutrality and reason to the wind. It is chock-full of ignorance, intolerance, and just plain irresponsibility. It doesn't even pretend to care. It's an encyclopedia for conservatives, by conservatives, and if you don't agree, you are WRONG. It's like the Bill O'Reilly of online encyclopedias. "But David, you hairy, testosterone-dripping lumberjack, you, if it's on the internet, shouldn't we not care? Like we don't care about 99% percent of all the other crap on the internet?" I hear you say. Of course we shouldn't. I merely wished to point out that this exactly what I'm talking about. Their featured article of the month, by the way, is atheism, which is laughable at best, and downright offensive at worst.

I sigh. This is fundamentalism at work. I only wonder how long it will take for the foolishness and name-calling to run its course. Check it out. Read some of these articles. It makes for some pretty interesting reading:

The Homosexual Agenda
Environmentalists
Liberapedia.com
(smaller, but with a better sense of humor)

Well, that's all for me.
Consider yourself taken on, fundamentalist jerkbags!

David Takes On: A Piece You Should Think About

2008-05-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

We love to have fun here at David Takes On The World, but sometimes I like to change the mood up a little and hit a little heavy, if for no other reason than to make you think. I was introduced to this piece by the incomparable Noah K. Langenwalter, Esq. a year or two ago, and it's been one of my personal favorites ever since. Click the link and tell me what you think.

On Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs

Consider yourself taken on.

David Takes On: Political Furor

2008-05-03T10:02:00.002-07:00

With all the political hubbub so prevalent these days (smear campaigns, partisan muckraking, toed party lines, etc.), it somewhat suprises me to realize that I haven't written a politically charged blog yet. Well, let's change that, shall we? Prepare to have your political minds blown! I'm about to announce my endorsement of a major candidate!

Prepare yourselves. I fully endorse:

Nobody.

That's right. You heard me. I don't endorse any one of those candidates. Allow me to make my case for each individual in one word.

For the Republicans:

John McCain

Yarrr.

My one word: Hawk.
He fully endorses the war in Iraq and wants to stay til the job is done. Which is fine. If you want to count your approval rating percentage on two hands. I say kill terrorists. I hate 'em. But do it in your own country, not someone else's. However, the above picture kind of makes him look like a pirate, which already makes him the most palatable candidate.

For the Democrats:

Barack Obama

Ay carumba!

My one word: Inexperienced.
Barack is enjoying high approval among students and minorities, and with voter turnout as high as ever, his campaign is a promising one. But he's a junior senator, with little real-world experience. He's climbing high on his charisma and oration (rightfully so. The man is a breath of fresh air after listening to W for the last 8 years), but will he choke in office? It's hard to say. He represents sweeping change, but does he have the cajones to run the USA? He's kind of like a Democrat Ron Paul. You know, except black, less conservative, and less batshit crazy.

Hillary Clinton

I can't look at this picture without thinking about Howard Dean. Yaaaa!

My one word: Clinton.
The woman is ambitious, and you can tell that she's fighting tooth and nail to secure her candidacy. Can't fault her for that. On the other hand, she's a Clinton. It'll be Bill and Hill for four years, each furthering their own agenda through the other. She still represents an insidious part of the Democratic party (as far as I'm concerned), and her stances on media and gun control especially scare me.

Super Bonus Fun Time!

Ron "Are You Fucking Kidding Me Why Is This Guy Still Running" Paul
HURRRRR

My one word: BLIMP
THE MAN BOUGHT A FUCKING BLIMP. And much like the fabled Hindenburg, everyone thought it was a good idea at first, climbed aboard, made some YouTube videos about how great it was, then watched, horrified, as the whole enchilada went down in a flaming ball of death. Oh, the humanity indeed. Still, Paul soldiers on, oblivious to the statistical implausibility of his candidacy. Now, a lot of people have called his platforms "unfeasible", "impossible", or "do not ever speak that man's name in my presence", but let's face it. Crazy rhetoric aside, his heart's in the right place. Constitution = good! I can get behind that. But come on, Ron. Shake that magic 8-ball, and Try Again Later. And maybe be less of a psycho next time.

So there it is. You understand my dilemma. So many candidates, so little sanity. Here's a little more commentary, in case you care:

The ongoing sparring match between Obama and Hillzors is driving a wedge into the Democratic Party. Get your shit together, guys. You're all Democrats. Someone's gonna have to face John McCain. And right now, you're making it seem like neither of you are up to the task. You can't even unite your own party, for goodness' sake. Stop whining and start winning.

Kill as many al-Qaeda operatives as you can, and GTFO of Iraq. Iran is getting that Itchy Trigger Finger Syndrome. The bonus, if we fuck Iran's shit up (and we would), is that we'd get rid of the Wacky Ayatollahs and Mahmoud "I'll Cut You" Ahmedinejad. The minus: we'd piss off China AND Russia, and risk having to fuck their shit up too. And that just wouldn't be fair. So cut our losses, McCain, leave whoever you need to leave to guard whatever you need to guard, but hand that quagmire (giggity) back over to Iraq and let Allah sort 'em out.

The economy. From what I've seen on the news, I can easily sum up the economy thusly: OH DEAR GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING SELL SELL SELL WHY OH MY GOD NO NO NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOW JONES YOU MOTHERFUCKER I HAVE TO SELL MY YACHT YOU BASTARDS GAS PRICES GAS PRICES I CAN'T FILL MY CHEVY WARMONGER WITHOUT SPENDING NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS SWEET JESUS CHRIST WHY WHY WHY AAHHHAHAGGGGHHHAHAHGGGG *gurgle gurgle*
But seriously, folks. Buy a car that's sensible, stimulate that economy by buying American goods, and just roll with the punches. It's a slump. But by god, America didn't get where it is today by panicking and running around, fingers in ears, like a bunch of sissy Canadians! We rolled up our sleeves, spat on the ground, and kicked in the Door of Oppression, burned the house of Adversity, punched the grandmother of Prejudice, slashed the tires of Hardship, and gave that jerk Lolligagging a swirly. Our "can do!" spirit has put America on the map in more ways than one (The Virgin Islands, Guam, "South" America), and if we just suck it up and get things done, we'll all come out of this one okay.

So there it is. So politically charged I should have my political credit card canceled. HEY-O!

Consider yourself taken on, politics.

David Takes On: The Atheist Stigma

2008-04-04T14:42:00.001-07:00

This is not an argument for or against atheism. It is not an attack on religion. It is a statement, a manifesto, if you will, of my belief system (or lack thereof). I want you to know what makes me tick as an individual. I want you to come into my mind and see what I see for a few brief moments. I want to put you in my shoes. All I ask is that you keep an open mind.

I was raised as a Christian. My family regularly attended a Methodist church in Virginia until I was about 10 years old. It was not a horrible oppressive experience that turned me off to religion by any stretch of the imagination. Actually, that was a very wholesome and fulfilling experience at that time in my life.

Then I grew up.

That's not to say or imply, of course, that anyone who believes in Christ or his teachings or accepts him as his or her personal savior is immature. Not at all. It takes a lot of courage and deep thought to throw yourself behind a conviction like that. Let it be so with me.

It was not lightly that I took up the Atheist's Banner. I knew from the outset that not everyone would understand. I still don't expect them to, but I all I would ask from someone is the same respect with which they treat others. Even so, atheists today, within and without are persecuted, discriminated against, and ostracized. Let it be so with me.

It can be hard being part of a minority. Not that I would know, of course. As far as you can tell, I'm a semi-privileged white male who has had the relative luxury of a decent education. That just smacks of hypocrisy, doesn't it? Sure, superficially. But the potential lingers still. And when the day comes where I am attacked at a personal level, I still contend that I will stand my ground. A lot of people are courageous every day of their lives simply because they don't believe in a god. Let it be so with me.

I try to lead a good life. I try to do good by people. I'm not a hedonist, I'm not a nihilist, I'm not an anarchist. I embrace a lot of principles that theists embrace. But I embrace them for my own reasons, not because a book or an arcane savior demands that I do so to win an intangible and unknowable prize of eternal salvation. Destiny is what we make of it. It cannot be bought, earned or gained by fear of the alternative. I will not go to hell. There is no hell to go to. For all we know, our personal existance is hell, and we are merely doing our time. Let it be so with me.

If I meet you on the street, you probably won't know right off the bat that I do not believe what you believe. And that's fine. But if you do figure it out, again - all I ask is that you treat me with the same respect you'd treat anyone else. I assure you the favor will be returned.

I believe in freedom. Freedom of religion. Freedom from religion. Freedom to live my life the way I think it should be lived, unfettered by chains of theocratic rhetoric, being good for the sake of being good. Do good to your fellow man because that is the only way humanity will ever truly live in peace, regardless of his walk of life. So believe what you want, you Christians, Jews, Moslems, Zoroastrians, Mormons, or whatever. Let go of personal prejudices. Let go of your xenophobia. Just let go and remember that we're all human beings living on a "mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam."

Whatever lies beyond the dark horizon of death is inconsequential compared to the lives we touch when we are on this planet.

Our afterlife is our legacy.

Consider yourself taken on, atheism.

David Takes On: Music

2008-03-31T15:03:00.000-07:00

Let's get one thing perfectly clear.

I love music. I do. I love it. It's great. Music is the epitome of versatility, passion, genius. Music is the universal solution. Music is love. Music is art. Music is music for music's sake.

Music is the single greatest contribution to human civilization. Music is our shared cultural experience. Music is you. Music is me. Humankind is music. We aspire to live in harmony, our respective personal melodies intertwining, colliding, rising, falling, despairing, hoping.

Music defines us. It is within us all, whether we know it or not. Music cannot be created, only discovered. Music is infinite. Music has always existed and will continue to do so. Everything is music; music is everything.

Music drives us to create, music demands that we destroy, music is a force, music is a law of the universe. It moves. It moves within us and without us. Music is a conflagration, or a cool breeze. It is a void, or it is a whole. Music can. Music will. Music does.

Never Consider Yourself Taken On, Music.

Random Twofer! David Takes On: The Coolest Guy You've Never Heard Of

2007-12-18T22:01:00.001-08:00

Consider the following this week's winner of the coveted "I Think I Just Crapped My Pants A Little" Award.

I just finished reading this: The Iron Circle.
(Not to be confused with Circle of Iron, a David Carradine movie from the 70's.)

This man is Dominiquie Vandenberg:

He's easily the most certifiable badass to ever walk the earth. Eat your heart out, Chuck Norris. Actually, don't. Just wait for Dom to show up and do it himself. You'd probably only muck it up.

Anywho, let's compare Mr. Vandenberg to our handy "David Takes On" Checklist O' Badassery:

- Consummate Martial Artist √
- Member of the French Foreign Legion's Second Parachute Regiment √
- Killed a Thai pimp in cold blood √
- Has had sex with almost every woman alive √
- Fought in illegal bloodsport tournaments in Burma √
- Beat the shit out of four Turkish teenagers who knocked over an old man on a train and laughed about it √
- Bouncer √
- Played Russian Roulette (twice in a row) and lived to talk about it √
- Loves his mother √

Yep. Perfect score.

Anyways, this book was great. A fairly short read, it took me a day to finish, but it was gripping and fun all the way through. A real page-turner, for my money. This guy has had more crazy adventures than you can imagine, and he is ever so kind to write it all down for us. Check this book out. Or else. He'll come to your house and eat your face. No joke.

Consider yourself taken on, Coolest Guy Ever.

David Takes On: Pop-Up Video (With Special Guest Rick Astley)

2007-12-18T21:47:00.001-08:00

Man, I miss this show. Kind of a lot.

Also, Rick Astley.

Enjoy, internet.

Sorry about the lack of intelligent content. I figured I should lighten the mood a bit. So here you go.

Consider yourself taken on, Pop-Up Video of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up".

David Takes On: The Coolest Second - Coolest Thing He Has Ever Heard Of

2007-12-14T21:46:00.000-08:00

Oh. My. Lord.

I've been waiting for years to hear these words come out of someone's mouth and have it actually mean something:

Space Marines.

Check it, yo: Semper Fly
I don't think you're coming with me on this one. Look, there's no sarcasm, no political or social commentary. Simply put, Marines will DROP FROM GODDAMN SPACE TO KILL BAD GUYS.

That makes this the winner of this week's "I Think I Just Crapped My Pants A Little" Award.

Stay tuned for next week's winner!

Consider yourself taken on, Marines In Space.

Existential Interlude

2007-12-08T12:54:00.000-08:00

See:

How's that for a little perspective?

David Takes On: The Holiday Season

2007-11-18T19:12:00.001-08:00

Another day, another dollar, and another story catches my eye as I wind through the series of tubes that is the Internets:

You might have to Google it (banish the thought), but there's a story circulating regarding the quaint and progressive town of Fort Collins, CO. A task force headed up by an ACLU volunteer (a red flag if I've ever seen one) is proposing a ban on, of all things: red and green twinkle lights. This after a more inclusive stance of the holiday season, intended to make this time of year more secular and less offensive to different religions.

Oh, please. Choke me. Fort Collins, you are the latest in a long line of towns, cities, and even states of this great Union of ours that have bowed to pressure from the secular left that doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Instead, they give St. Nicholas the boot and replace him with harmless white lights and scenes of Winter Fun and Excitement such as skiing, snowballs and men (BUT NOT WOMEN) made of snow. So they make no endorsement of religion. Good for them. But if you're going to do it, don't half-ass it, Fort Collins. What about the seemingly innocuous phrase "Happy Holidays"? I guess that's alright, even though the word "holiday" is derived from "holy day", implying a religious overtone. Not everyone believes in God, after all. But I guess "Happy Holidays" sounds a little better than "Happy Season of Gift-Giving and Respective Belief Following Which In No Way Endorses One Dogma, Way of Thought, Or Belief System Over Another". Hallmark would have a fit.

But let's just concede, for argument's sake, that this is a good idea. Why stop at Christmas? Why not ban red, white, and blue on Independence Day for those of us who aren't American? Not of all us are from here, after all. Some of us have come a long way from our sombrero-wearing oppression, too far indeed to have another country's cultures shoved down our throats. Something a little more mild, like maybe, oh, I don't know, NOTHING should about do it.

Honestly, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's appeasement for the sake of appeasement. It seems more trouble than it's worth. Sure, you can be inclusive, but you don't have to take away a freedom of choice. If Christmas offends you, don't put up Christmas-y lights. Put up your secular display! I say this, friends, as an atheist myself. I do not endorse any religion, because I think they're inherently contradicting, prejudiced, and just plain stupid. The opiate of the masses, as it were. But even I don't see a problem with religious-themed displays. That's what some people are into, and no amount of city ordinances are going to make people think otherwise. It's that lack of choice that is going to rub people the wrong way.

So get over yourselves, City Council members of Fort Collins, Colorado. Get your heads out of your collective buttholes and truly embrace diversity by letting people show their true colors, be they red, green, blue, yellow, or "secular."

Happy Holy Days, everyone. Have a little turkey, stimulate the economy by purchasing American-made goods to give to your friends and family, and show your pride with a 20-foot string of lights tacked haphazardly to one of your bushes out front.

Consider yourself taken on, The Holiday Season.

David Takes On: Political Correctness and "Ideological Reeducation"

2007-10-31T20:23:00.000-07:00

First, apologies to all (two) of you who read this. Life is busy. Deal with it.

I stumbled upon this today, courtesy of fark.com:

University of Delaware Requires Students to Undergo Ideological Reeducation

I'll be the first to concede that this source is biased. However, the article does link to some pretty interesting internal documents used by the University to facilitate this so-called "Diversity Education."

Up front, people, it's absolute bullhonkey.

You are now about to participate in Professor D. Logan Worthington Crackernoggin III's award-winning program in social awareness and diversity education (whether you like it or not), to wit:

Diversity exists.

Check your local library for more information.

And that's it! You've all satisfactorily completed this exhaustive insight into social awareness.

Seriously, how cowardly do you have to be to deny (or attempt to deny, I can't think of anyone with half a brain who would take this seriously) people freedom of conscience? Let them MAKE DECISIONS FOR THEMSELVES. Obviously, this a concept that is lost on the administrators at the University of Delaware.

Which brings me to the touchy subject of Political Correctness.

Allow me to be as forthcoming as possible when I say this:

Political Correct speech/actions/decisions in general are a half-hearted attempt to appease groups that already enjoy the same rights as Americans that anyone else does. It is a road, albeit a small one, to fascism and authoritarianism. No matter how hard you try, and let me be as clear as possible: You cannot make people think differently if they don't want to. Imposing these policies in any way is ignorant and a violation of the civil liberties that PCers seek so desperately to protect. Altruistic? Sure. Just plain stupid? Absolutely.

Give it up. You're not "African-American", you're just plain "American." You're red, white, and blue, just like the rest of the Irish-, Italian-, English-, Japanese-, Chinese-, Malaysian-, and Brazilian-Americans out there. PC speech is inherently intolerant. Don't use it. It's dumb. Seriously.

Consider yourself taken on, Diversity Education and Social Awareness, not to Mention Political Correctness.

On a slightly less scathing note: a twofer, to make up for time lost.

David Takes On: Bigots and Relgious Nutjobs

First, check this out:

Kansas Church Liable in Marine Funeral Protest

This man is a douchebag:

And his name is Pastor Fred Phelps.

His church was recently found liable for punitive damages to the tune of $2.9 million USD for causing undue emotional trauma, among other things, to the family of a dead Marine. Let me just say that "emotional trauma" is a frivolous basis for a lawsuit, but it just feels so damn good when idiots like this get bitch-slapped legally.

I do not like Fred Phelps. I think Fred Phelps is a very bad man. A man who sent a delegation of worshippers to Iraq under Saddam Hussein's regime to protest America and homosexuality, among other things. Just a quick interjection: as much as these people love to talk about gays, it makes you wonder just how deep the infatuation goes. Not sayin', I'm just sayin'. Check out his whole story here.

Anywho, the dude is not only anti-gay, but anti-semitic (par for the course, really), anti-Irish (yeah, I guess some people still hate the Irish), and anti-Swedish. Whoa. Wait, hold up. Really? Anti-Swedish? Who hates the Swedes? No one can hate Sweden. They give us rockin' meatballs, the word "fjord", ABBA, and fish. But this man found a way, presumably because the Swedes are tolerant of homosexuals. Oy gevalt. This guy is starting to sound like a broken record by the band "Douchey and the Bigot Boys" (I hear they were big in the 50's).

He and his ilk (and how I hate ilk) tend to protest military funerals, productions of "The Laramie Project", and regular folks like you and me, just because we know a guy who knows a guy who may have gotten drunk and made out with another dude. Maybe. I guess the biggest problem I have with them is that they're doing "God's work" which is totally inane and inherently ridiculous. So they protest, and picket, and hatemonger, and have bad potty mouths, and generally cause a nuisance to the rest of society who give a flying fart.

The irony here is that when challenged or otherwise attacked for their actions, they hide behind Mother Liberty's robes, particularly around the hem embroidered with the words "First Amendment". The same First Amendment that countless men since the beginning of our country have fought and died to protect. Oh my.

So sure. Let them talk. Because that's really all the 70+ ignorami can do. But if you ever see them on your street telling you "Thank God for IED's", just remember that you're the bigger person, and that one day they'll get theirs. :D God hates bigots, after all.

Consider yourselves taken on, Religious Wackjobs.

David Takes On: The Police

2007-10-07T23:29:00.000-07:00

"I smell bacon, I smell pork, look out pig I've got my fork! DUR HUR HUR."

It's sad. Plenty of young adults and teens have a really really ridiculously negative view of law enforcement officers. They're more often than not seen as overbearing killjoys with itchy trigger fingers and a universal contempt for young people and minorities. These are the exception, and by no means the rule.

Get your heads out of the sand, people. Anyone who claims that they've "never had a good cop experience" is either a liar or is exaggerating. Sure, police brutality happens, people get shot for pulling out toy guns, or god forbid, no reason at all. It does exist. But if you've ever known a cop, then you know they're not all glory-seeking cowboys who pump anything that moves full of lead. These guys put their lives on the line every day they've ever been a law enforcement officer.

They really do deserve a little respect. They're humans, not supermen. And they're extraordinary humans for putting themselves out there like that every day. So don't back-talk them. Don't try to hit them (it doesn't end well for you). Shake their hand! Let them know they're doing a good job. Support them, lord knows they need it. They're not fascist lapdogs of the government. They do what they're told, sure, but most of the time, it's for a damn good reason.

"DON'T TAZE ME, BRO!"
Unless you've been hiding under a rock, you know all about that kid who got tasered at a John Kerry function. My take: he was asked to stop gently but firmly, he didn't, flouted the rules for question-asking, resisted campus police as they tried to remove him (NOT arrest him, contrary to popular belief), and was tasered. Frankly, there were five or so officers standing on his neck, and I don't really believe that was warranted. But if he had just gone quietly or had been less of a show-off rabblerouser, it wouldn't have happened. It's true that guy has a penchant for theatrics, after all. He fucked up, and the cops overreacted. Simple as that. It's basically everyone's fault there.
I won't say that police officers are perfect. A lot of them do let the authority go to their heads and make poor judgements in the heat of the moment. Do I think those cops should have been dismissed? Yes. They made poor decisions, caused undue harm to a fellow human being, and should have no business protecting anyone.

But can you really hate the whole orchard for providing you with a few bad apples? No, certainly not, and to believe that way is not only ignorant, but dangerous, and to be honest, bro, you deserve to get tased.

Keep it up, guys. You really do a good a job.
Consider yourself taken on, law enforcement.

David Takes on: Girls

2007-10-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

Seriously, girls, what's up with you?

Goddamn, I love ya, but sometimes, you make me want to throw myself into a bonfire.
Explain yourselves. Immediately.

Consider yourself taken on, ladies.

David Takes On: Halo 3

2007-09-30T20:20:00.001-07:00

Inspired by friends of mine, I've decided to start writing a more, shall we say, valid and contemperary blog. I have opinions too, and sometimes (more like usually), I don't express them at all. So this is mostly going to be rants on current events, pop culture, self-defense, martial arts, swords and swordplay, music, gadgets, cars, guitars, and all the cool shit that I deem relevant enough to show up on my personal radar. So let's jump right in with a review you might enjoy:

David Takes On: Halo 3

I'm not going to lie to you. I waited in line at midnight on September 25th with the scum of the earth to get this game. Ever since I first blew the blue goo out of my first Elite in Halo: Combat Evolved, I have been hooked on the franchise. Ask anyone, and they've got a story about how they stayed up till 3 am, jacked up on Jolt Cola they bought on eBay and Nilla Wafers fragging the everloving hell out of their friends. And rightfully so. Bungie Studios have really knocked this IP out of the park. Well, mostly. There are some nagging issues with Halo that are easy to overlook, but are present nonetheless. For the most part, however, these games rule. And H3 is no exception. Master Chief is back to finish the fight.

From the first cutscene to the final credits, Halo 3 is a rollercoaster of exhilarating fun. The campaign mode is great, as we've come to expect, and the story elements unfold like a summer blockbuster written by Michael Bay. Twists and turns are present and unexpected, and aside from the story being somewhat convoluted (less so, however, than Halo 2, which I don't think anyone understood), the plot is well told, the characters are fleshed out a tiny bit more, and the action is so thick you could cut it with an Energy Sword (and you do. Constantly). The only real problem with the story is that there's no "Review" for those of us who haven't brushed up on our Halos 1 and 2. It picks up immediately where 2 left off, and it would have been nice to have a refresher, for those us who didn't quite understand who the giant plant thing was from the last game (Little Shop of Horrors?).

Let's talk briefly about sound. The soundtrack has been revamped and tweaked yet again, to keep it fresh, I assume, and has shied away from the Joe Satriani stylings of Halo 2. This time, the themes are a bit simpler, with a focus on emotional attachment instead of blood-boiling gung-ho rock bits. That sparseness just plain fits better in Master Chief's world. Of course, there's nothing compared to being all keyed up when the sweeping orchestral scores usher you into a battle sequence. They really are second to none.
The sound effects are awesome, too. Everything, from the woosh of a rocket to the thunder of the Battle Rifle has depth and substance. Ambient noises also help add atmosphere to the action. There's the grumble of a Warthog engine as you fishtail into a group of bad guys and listen as they all scream in fear, the lap of water on the beach, the muffled jingle of spent brass as it falls to the ground. The voice acting, not to mention, is also done well. The battle chatter from your troops and even from enemies (who, as aliens, all speak very good English) is fun and believable. Cutscenes are well-acted, and there's no gripe from me that Master Chief doesn't talk much.

Gameplay, for the most part, is excellent as well. Enemy AI is tough and smart. They'll seek to flank you when they can, make use of cover, toss grenades, and generally make nuisances of themselves. On the harder difficulties, they get smarter still, and are more or less relentless. To add to the fun (and sometimes the humiliation), Bungie has added and tweaked a number of weapons, grenades and equipment in addition to new vehicles and enemies. They've really struck a fine balance on this iteration as far as weapons are concerned, too. Making a heroic comeback is the Assault Rifle in all its fully-automatic glory, for example, now trading rounds per magazine for increased firepower. New equipment, like deployable cover, bubble shields, and power drains all add a new element to what could sometimes be a straightforward run-and-gun. Your enemies have access to the new toys too, and will use them against you in devious ways.
Level design is varied and immersive, with all the right little details to draw you in. Whether it's battling your way into a Convenant-controlled facility or leaping atop a Scarab (they're back!), it's enough so you won't be bored, whatever it is you're doing. Battles can sometimes get a little overwhelming and frantic, however, leaving you disoreinted and turned around.

Graphics in the game are well-done; Bungie got this area right again. The blur effect during movement in the solo campaign is a nice touch, for one. Water effects, lighting effects, shadows, texturing, particle effects, they're all great! Some rough spots exist, however, if you look hard enough, but they don't detract from the overall gaming experience. You're still going to have an eyeful of polygon porn as you play through this really beautiful game.

Multiplayer! For some gamers, this is the only reason they bought this game. There's nothing quite like the agonizing pubescent screams and shrieks from a 13-year-old in Massachusetts as you set his ass on fire and proceed to gun him down in front of all his friends, then beat his corpse out of spite. But all the fun is not just to be had online, though online play is a fun way to spend an afternoon. Co-op and split-screen deathmatch played locally is another tight and perfectly-tuned feature of the game. Now you can see the look on your friend's face as you set his ass on fire, stick him with a grenade, and proceed to gun him down in front of everyone you know. New features and maps flesh out the experience, and there's a TON of replayability when you take into account all the custom matches you can set up.
Of course, I would be severely remiss if I didn't mention the Forge, a new feature that Bungie's been itching to add for ages, so the prophecies say. Now you can truly tweak your favorite maps to your heart's content. You can't change level geography, but you can add and subtract spawn points, weapons, and vehicles, then play a match in real time.

To conclude, all the new features, from the Forge to a Video Recorder (so now you can tell all your other friends how you set Steve on fire, stuck him with a grenade, gunned him down, then dropped a tank on his corpse-and have proof!), this game really packs it in. Add in the great graphics, satisfying story, and solid gameplay, and you have a classic on your hands. My recommendation: go grab it. Immediately.

Consider yourself taken on, Halo 3.